I'm Gonna Marry Him Anyway
by CraigEffinTucker
Summary: Craig loves Tweek. Like, really really loves Tweek. How will he prove his love to the cute blonde barista? (creek, duh)


I hate a lot of things about South Park.

For starters, I hate the fact that the weather never changes. I'm all for status quo, but wouldn't it be nice if we had less snow and more nice, sunny days? I can't even lay down in the grass at night and watch the stars without getting snowflakes in my eye. Talk about annoying.

Another thing I hate is the fact that some people from high school are still trying to keep in contact with me. Sure I wasn't the most popular kid, but I had a small group of friends that I still hang around with today. Why the hell should I care about what complete strangers like Heidi Turner or Scott Malkinson are up to? And don't even get me started on the girls like Bebe who keep asking if I'm "still gay" or whatever. I came out when I was, like, 10. I don't think I'm gonna suddenly change my mind and fall for a girl I barely ever talked to.

Continuing on with the whole gay thing; I think the thing I hate most about this hellhole of a town is the fact that there's _still_ a group of rednecks who are all against gay rights. Even after the town tried to be all PC, my dad's still friends with people that want me dead just because I fell in love with another man. A man who is the light of my life. A man who is the sole reason I haven't left Colorado because I can't imagine a life without him. A man who can make me say all this cheesy shit without feeling like an idiot.

Tweek.

That's right, Tweek, the guy I 'pretended' to date all those years ago just to keep the town happy. Turns out we cared for each other more than everyone's opinions. Around sixth grade I asked him, half out of curiosity and half out of my own feelings for him, if he 'liked' me or if we were still just fake-dating. It got a little awkward after that as he whispered out an "I dunno...". It was in that very moment that I realized that oh my god, I like him.

I like _Tweek._

And I guess I'm sort of having that realization now. I mean, duh. Of course I like Tweek, it would be pretty weird if I'm only now realizing I'm in love with the guy I share a bed with. It's just that if you haven't noticed, I'm not really a touchy-feely guy. If it hadn't been for Tweek I probably still would've been living a sad, lonely life as one of those dudebros banging chicks to try and hide my obvious homosexuality, with no hope of ever finding that one person I can just connect with. Tweek IS that one person. I could spend the rest of my days with him and be the happiest man alive. Which is funny because I try to go out of my way to _not_ feel happiness. I guess I'm just weird like that.

So yeah, Tweek made me feel things that I've never felt for anyone else. Even with people like Clyde and Token, I never try to talk to them about feelings or whatever. I never spend the entire night staring at the ceiling wondering if they're okay. If Clyde started crying out of nowhere, I would just call him a pussy. Of course that's just me being an asshole, but I honestly don't feel that bond with them like I do with Tweek. I'm used to Tweek's anxiety and random panic attacks; they don't get any easier to deal with, but now I know how to help him without that mocking tone. I care about him, and I don't want to see him break down like that. It fucking hurts, man.

And it's weird, cuz he actually feels the exact same way about me. Like holy shit, someone actually likes boring, grumpy, doesn't-care-about-anything Craig? I'd sooner find someone fall in love with Eric fucking Cartman. You can imagine my shock once I found out that yes, Tweek actually _does_ like me, and not just because people tell him he's supposed to be with me. He's the kind of guy who would walk across the entire country just to see if I'm doing okay. Somehow he doesn't even notice my coldness, or how much of a fucking asshole I am. All he can see is the 'good side' of me. I didn't even know I _had_ a good side, but I guess Tweek's the only one who knows about it. It's amazing. He even bought me Stripe #4 after the last one died.

So yeah, he's a pretty cool guy.

Which is why I'm going to marry the fuck out of him.

I had the entire day planned out. I would ask him to meet me up at the top of the mountain side. When he arrived, I would talk to him about his day, what's on his mind, whatever just to stall him. Then I'd get down on my knee, look him straight in the eyes and pull out the ring. It would be perfect.

There's just one problem: It's fucking horrible out. While it wasn't snowing this morning, out of nowhere a freezing blizzard started pouring down. Shit. There was no way I was gonna wait any more though, my minds made up. I'm doing this today, no sooner or later. Tweek's the kind of guy who refuses to wear coats no matter how cold it is out, but I'm sure once it's all over with his heart will warm his whole body up.

Christ I'm one corny motherfucker.

I sent out a quick text to meet him there, and that was that. No further stalling or losing track. I grabbed my hat, kissed Stripe goodbye, and left the door. And holy SHIT was it freezing out! The wind practically carried my twig body across the street. So much for walking there, I guess. The mountainside wasn't too far, maybe a small walk through the woods and I'd be there. As I walked on by I noticed that I was passing by peoples houses. People I grew up with and unfortunately am still forced to put up with. There's Stan Marsh, still the annoying jock as he used to be. He's the kind of guy whose high school years were the peak of his life. How sad. Thankfully he stays out of my way and I don't really have to put up with him. Soon I passed Clyde's house, who I guess is my best friend. He's a dumb asshole, but he's a funny dumb asshole. How's he doing now? Still living with his dad and basically doing nothing with his life. I gotta give the guy some credit, he sure knows how to make the best of his situation. He doesn't care what people say about him, he's just here to have fun. And Mr. Donovan doesn't care, so I guess it's a win win situation.

But you don't want to hear about those guys, right? You wanna listen to me ramble on about all the wonderfully gay adventures me and Tweek go on.

Well sorry to ruin your expectations, but I'm not that interesting. I guess I'm just an average 21 year old. After high school when me and Tweek were absolutely no-doubt 100% sure we wanted to stay together, we moved into a small apartment. It's quaint and cozy and our neighbours don't bother us, which is just fine by me. Tweek's still working with his parents, who I'm still less than fond of. The worst part of being Tweek's boyfriend is having to deal with the in-laws. They're horrible abusive scumbags. They made Tweek a paranoid wreck, but nobody notices cause they act so fucking sweet. They always have this eerie friendly smile that never leaves their faces, and they have this soft and soothing tone that makes you forget that they're horrible people. Ugh... Maybe I shouldn't think about that too much. Today's supposed to be the happiest day of my life!

After what seemed like ages of 'walking', I finally made it up the steep hill. There was a little bench on top, perfect for a lazy asshole like me to wait around on. I'm sure Tweek wouldn't be too long... I stared up at the clouds, leaning back coolly. It was still snowing out of course, but it seemed more... peaceful, I guess. The trees glistened with the white frost on top of them and created a shadow around the bench. It made this scene even more romantic to me. I'm all about the dark aesthetics of this town, I would make SUCH a good goth kid if they weren't all such posers.

A few minutes passed, as I continued to browse through old pictures on my phone. Most of them were artsy black and white photos of Tweek. He's the perfect model: large deep brown eyes lit up brightly on his pallid face. He still has his hair in that way too messy haircut and he's still about a foot shorter than me. Freckles cover his entire body, patterned in a way that looks like constellations in the night sky. His lip and nails are always bit up and he has this small scar on his arm after spilling scalding hot coffee on it during a stressful work hour. He's just so _perfect_ and I can't help but gush about him like a schoolgirl. I'm such a fag.

Speak of the devil. He came trotting up the hill, shivering like a kicked puppy. You could hear his teeth chattering from miles away. I hopped up off the bench, and walked on over to him.

"You alright, dude?" I asked, trying to hide the smile creeping up. He looked miserable, but he just looked so damn _cute,_ which is a word I almost never use, so you know I mean it.

"It's fucking FREEZING!" Tweek shrieked out, huddling close to me for some warmth. He was wearing a dark green flannel and ripped up jeans. Well gee, I wonder why he's so cold?

"Maybe if you bothered buttoning your shirt up, you wouldn't be freezing your ass off," I joked, fixing his shirt up. "You want my hat or something?"

"I'm f-f-fine..." Tweek mumbled out. Maybe a nice little trot would help him out? I grabbed his hand tightly and pretty much dragged him around the trail. The pathway was still covered inches deep in snow, and Tweek kept sinking through. Honestly I would've just carried him around if we weren't holding hands like the queermos we are. His touch warmed me up more than any fire could, and I found myself drifting off, just gazing as his stupid grin. I almost forgot about why we came here in the first place before my mind started to wander again. Fuck, okay, ask him something Craig!

"So how was your day, sweetie?" I asked, that last word awkwardly trailing off. Way to act natural, Craig. Tweek raised his eyebrow, no doubt confused with how sweet I was trying to be.

"Sweetie? That's a new one," he joked. "It was fine, I guess. Pretty boring. But that's fine for a boring guy like me..."

"You're not boring!" I started, my voice raising a pitch which made me sound all unnatural. "You're a really great guy, you know that? You're so cute and sweet and funny, and I just really fucking love you. I _love_ you, dude."

Tweek stared at me, eyes wider than Cartman's ass. Well shit, this isn't what I thought would happen. Why do I always have to fuck things up?

"Woah, Craig, not that I don't appreciate it, but where is all this coming from?" Tweek asked. I guess it would be pretty weird to see me start acting like the most romantic caring boyfriend in the world out of nowhere. But shit, I love him. He needs to know that.

And after what I'm about to do, he better fucking realize it. He's the one I love, I've never felt this way about any other guy or bitchy cheerleader or whatever. When he's screaming and crying and wishing he was dead, it physically hurts me. I can't imagine a world where he's not by my side, if he ever left me my life would be over. I don't fucking care how cheesy and lame any of this sounds, I love you, Tweek.

...Huh. I just realized I said all of that out loud. Whoops.

I guess I had nothing else to do but get down on one knee and see if he felt the same way. So I did. "Will you marry me?"

Tweek was already close to tears after my long ass speech. It's a good thing he's all about that sappy romantic stuff, otherwise I'd be soo embarrassed. He put his hands over his face, a single tear running down his pallid cheek. "Oh...! Craig..." he gasped, bouncing on his toes in excitement. My heart was racing as fast as it could, I never realized how fucking stressful this was on me. But goddamn if it wasn't the happiest moment of my life!

"Of course I will!"

Holy shit, this is too good to be true! Tweek Tweak, the most amazing spectacular man that I can't help showering in cheesy compliments, actually loves me. ME. I don't know how lucky I am to find the one man on earth that actually doesn't mind putting up with my pettiness and pessimism. But fuck am I glad I found him! Whenever anyone asks for our story, how we came to be, I never know what to say. Like, would anyone expect the fourth graders who pretended to be a couple would still be a couple after all these years? Hell, even I've had my doubts about it. How Tweek felt. He's too fucking perfect for a dumbass like me.

But he'd always say the same thing, about how fucking perfect _I_ am and how he's a total screw up. Like, Tweek, take a look in a mirror dude. You're amazing. Strong. He had a messed up life, and I hate how it's taking a toll on him. But he's strong enough to get through all the pain and shit. He's one tough motherfucker, and I'm just so damn proud of him for getting this far.

All of that sounded too gay, even for me. Jesus.

The snow kept dropping down on us, white flakes shimmering brightly on Tweek's hair. I'm not one to go on about scenery or whatever, but damn was it beautiful. Maybe the snow wasn't so bad after all. As the sun started to set, the snow seemed to sparkle on lighting our way. It was gorgeous. But not as gorgeous as a certain blonde standing in front of me...

Before we made our way home, I had one last thing to say. "If you're not real, and I'm just dreaming about this, I never want to wake up."

"What a cheesy line, dork," he snorted, but I could tell he loved every part of it. "Um, Craig?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For treating me like I'm not a joke. For not hurting me. For being... you."

I smiled. "Anytime, dude."

 **AN: totally corny title and ending? yeah i know, shut up :P this was written for my friend serendipityrain711, so shout out to you and thanks for the idea! you're awesome :D hope you guys all enjoyed! OH and to anyone wondering what happened to craig's dilemma.. well it won't be updated anytime soon. I had to type this up at the school library, cuz my computers totally fucked. So it might be a while before I can type it all up.. its actually kinda embarrassing reading my old writing haha.. and now im rambling! Okay thank you all for reading! You're all lovely~**


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